Wants and Needs
by ebon-drake
Summary: <html><head></head>Keith struggles to tell Allura the truth about how he feels. Set in the DoTU timeline with influences from both Go-Lion and DDP. Contains adult language and themes. Rated T. COMPLETE.</html>


**Disclaimer:** Voltron and its characters, settings, and story line are copyrighted by World Event Productions, Ltd. and Toei Animation Company. DDP comic concepts and ideas are copyrighted by Devil's Due Publishing. Cover image is a screenshot from Purrsia's website, "Voltron Central". References to areas of the Denubian Galaxy (i.e. Azure Quadrant, Onyx Star System, etc.) are from the map developed by Shannon Muir and sanctioned by WEP. All other names, places, characters, and plot bunnies are my own unless otherwise noted. I am in no way affiliated with the aforementioned companies. No monetary profit is being made from this work, and no copyright infringement is intended. Please do not do not re-post or reuse this work without obtaining my written permission first. Thank you.

**Last Revision Date:** 10/7/14

**Author's Note:** This is a one-shot and does not fall in the main timeline of my other more recently written stories. My intention for it is not for it to be deliberatively provocative or anti-anything, but more exploratory.

**Wants and Needs, Ch. 1**

Keith was no stranger to confrontation. He had faced innumerable intimidating superiors as a junior officer in the Marines and countless robeasts in battle as the pilot of Black Lion. While he may have at times felt the cold grip of fear in his heart, he had never let that hold him back. Despite this fact, he almost preferred to be facing all of the monstrosities that Doom had ever thrown at him right now rather than face the Princess of Arus, a person renowned for her compassion and kindness, with the news that he had been struggling for days to give to her.

"Hello, Keith."

He was suddenly jolted back from the thoughts that he had been lost within by the soft voice of Allura coming from behind him. He jumped slightly from where he had been leaning against the railing of the outdoor balcony that he had been ruminating upon.

"Hello, Allura," he smiled sheepishly at her, but his eyes reflected torn emotions, "Nice evening, huh?"

A slight breeze blew through the golden strands of her loose hair and the skirt of her light-blue sun dress, making them sway gently. She looked deceptively fragile in the fading light of the day.

She briefly observed the horizon that was bruised with varying shades of gold, blue, and pink before fixing him with a small smile, her luminous gaze seeming to pierce his very being. "Yes, it is a very nice evening."

Keith swallowed uneasily, and then she walked up to the railing so that she stood next to him. The light, floral scent emanating from her petite body filled his nostrils as she did so. She leaned against the railing like he had been moments earlier and seemed to be taking in the entirety of the scene below and before her and meditating upon it. He joined her, and then there was a silence between them so loud that it was practically deafening.

It was the Blue Lion pilot who first shattered it. "So, you wanted to talk?"

He sighed and hoped that his resolve would remain firm.

"Yes... I don't know how to say this, but…," he trailed off for a second, but then injected some strength into his voice and tried again, "I love you, Allura, and Lord knows that I want nothing more than to make you happy, but...," he tightened his hands into fists as he said his next words, "I don't think that this is going to work out."

He relaxed his hands and morosely exhaled the pent-up breath that he had been holding in.

"I see," Allura intoned after an uncomfortable pause that seemed to stretch on to eternity.

He glanced to his side at her, but other than the gentle rise and fall of her breasts as she breathed in and out, she did not move. Her exquisite features looked as if they had been chiseled from marble. Her grip on the railing neither loosened nor tightened. How many times had those hands caressed his face and body with love? They had been the hands that had grasped his own and pulled him forth from the cold purgatory that his consciousness had been locked within for years. Now, they seemed distant to him, almost as if they belonged to a stranger.

She did not say anything to disrupt the silence, and so Keith took it upon himself to speak.

"Our time together... has been the some of the best of my life. I would give anything for us to be regular people without the responsibilities that we have. But... we aren't, and we can't continue pretending that our relationship exists in a vacuum," he paused and turned his head slightly towards her, willing her to look at him, to _understand_ his innermost demons and doubts, but the princess continued enigmatically gazing out towards the spectacular silhouette of the mountain range in the distance, "Whether we like it or not, it can and does affect others. I have a responsibility to my unit, and you have a responsibility to your people."

He saw her smooth some of her hair behind an ear.

"I know this," she said gravely, her eyes never leaving the horizon.

"I've tried my best to treat you no differently than the guys, but it's... hard," he continued, his tone uncertain, "None of them know about us except Lance, and it wasn't because I told him. He's... uncanny. Pidge and Hunk... they can tell that there's something going on, but not specifically what; I don't think that he's told them, but they do think that I treat you differently than them. Maybe I do... and it's beginning to affect the team. That's not fair to them, and it's not just the treatment, either... I... You're an amazing woman, Allura, and you have a certain... effect on men."

She said nothing to this.

"That's not your fault, though, and neither is the resentment... Regardless of that fact, though, it's still there; I can feel it. If it gets any worse, it's going to impact our performance and unity, and we can't afford that right now of all times. We need to be able to trust each other and have each other's backs... if we don't...," he trailed off again, "Then they could win, and it would be all over... and I will have failed in my duty to everyone that I have sworn to protect."

Her mouth remained a grim line, but he had more that he had to say, and she seemed to be waiting for him to let it all out.

"To be honest, I've found myself beginning to question my own judgment in fights, which I'm not blaming you for; if it's anyone's fault, it's my own. I think about you a lot, you know... You were very brave when you took it upon yourself to fly Blue Lion. Your piloting and fighting skills have improved a lot, and you're doing what you feel that you have to do in order to protect your people. You've allowed us to continue forming Voltron. I can't stop worrying about something happening to you, though."

Keith flinched slightly when he saw her narrow her blue eyes somewhat. ..._She must also think that I'm kicking her off of the team_...

"Allura, please don't think that I'm trying to...," he fumbled over his words, trying to convey his thoughts without them being misunderstood, "Although I would rest easier..."

He finally inhaled deeply and said, "Your position in the Voltron Force is not being challenged. I know what it means to you, and you've more than earned it. You've struggled and bled just as much as we all have. No, I'm not booting you from the team. I just... I've lost a lot of people in my life...," his voice softened and he looked down in defeat, "I can't bear the thought of losing you too."

He then added, "Again, none of this is your fault, it's mine. You can't control how other people react to situations, only your own. The team's welfare is my responsibility, though, and far be it for my wants and desires to... to..." He struggled to finish his sentence in a manner that would be understood without unnecessarily offending her.

"Jeopardize it?" Allura smiled bitterly in the growing darkness.

Keith neither affirmed nor denied her statement, but only looked at her, his coffee-colored eyes filled with anguish.

She clenched tightly at the railing with her hands, and for the first time, she turned her face towards him. Her countenance was serene, but her eyes were filled with pain.

"I don't need you to lecture me on duty and meeting obligations... I of all people know about those things; it's all I've thought about since the day my parents died. I am the last direct descendant of my family line; I have sworn to protect Arus, and I owe it to my people and family to do the best that I can. I was fully prepared to make whatever sacrifices were necessary in order to fulfill my obligations, even die if it meant that everyone else would live."

It was as if every word that she spoke was a dagger through his heart, even if she did not intend for them to be.

She then bit her lip as if to prevent herself from saying something that she would later regret, but she continued speaking. "Then we happened, and everything became different. You saw me for me rather than what I could do for you. You've made me happier than I've felt in years. I knew that there would be people who would disapprove of our relationship; tradition is important to my people, and they are stubborn. Despite this fact, I was willing to take a risk and see what happened."

The captain opened his mouth, but she did not allow him to interject. "No, Keith, you said your piece, I listened, and now it's my turn to say what I need to say. I knew that our relationship could not stay secret forever, but I was prepared to deal with the fallout, whatever form it would take, if I knew that you had my back and would stand by me. While the concerns you mentioned about the team are valid, we could have found a way to address them. I think what this is really about is your guilt and fear, about her, about everything."

The stunned look on his handsome face spoke more truths to her than anything that he could have said himself. "It wasn't easy for me, either, to let you in, but I did, and now that I've gotten closer to you, you feel scared and vulnerable, so you're trying to push me away."

He immediately looked away from her as if she had struck him a tremendous blow, and his grip on the balcony railing tightened again as if it was his personal lifeline.  
>"Allura, I... I..."<p>

She was relentless, however. She drew herself up to her full height, which was just slightly higher than his chin, and it was almost as if she was already the high queen that she was soon slated to become.

"Maybe you're right... we had something, but there was no way it could have lasted. It would be one thing if our relationship touched no one but us, but it's another when it impacts others. My planet's resources remain scarce, and I owe it to my people to give them what they need to not only survive, but also to flourish. I owe it to my family to continue on their line and their work. It would be wonderful if I could fulfill everyone's wants and needs while also fulfilling my own, but that's... just a dream, and this is reality. Love cannot fill a person's stomach, or put a roof over their heads. Love cannot create wealth where it is needed. To put my wants above the needs of my people is nothing short of selfishness, and if I were like that, then I would have no business being the Princess of Arus."

She then sighed, and her posture became less rigid. "Coran has been talking to some of the princes of the neighboring kingdoms, and... I need to make a decision soon. That will be easier now. Thank you, Captain Kogane, for this enlightening talk. I have learned much."

She inclined her head slightly towards him, fighting to keep the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks at bay. "There are matters that I must attend to... if you'll excuse me, Captain."

She released her grip on the railing and Keith offered her a wooden bow of respect as she began to stride for the doorway that led back into the interior of the palace. "Princess."

After the doors slid shut behind her, he turned back around to the view of the lake and the mountainside, countless emotions running rampant within him. He knew that he had done the right thing, but it sure as hell didn't feel like it, and he felt as if someone had sunk their hand into his chest and ripped his heart out before squishing it into meaty pulp underneath their feet. He wished for the thousandth time that he could have gone about what he did in a different way, but he knew that, while painful as fuck, it was probably the quickest and kindest way. She had touched on some uncomfortable truths, and while she hadn't been wrong, there was no way that they could have kept up this charade, never mind the wrongness that had felt so right about their unduly familiar relationship.

With her, he had felt clean and whole for the first time in years, but he had known that feeling to be nothing but a falsehood, a pleasant veneer that covered an unimaginable foulness. He was dirty... used up. He had tried to make her understand who he really was, but despite her words and her actions, he did not think that she actually, truly understood. She deserved better than him, she deserved someone who could actually give her and her people what they needed to become who they were once again. They had both experienced lapses in judgment months ago, but hers was forgivable. She was young and caught up in the throes of a crush. He did not have that excuse, only a crushing loneliness that had finally become too much to bear. He had known better, but had succumbed nonetheless, and the only one who should have had to pay for it was him. He had never wanted to hurt her. He had waited for her to snap out of the spell that she had been under and realize the error that she had committed with him, but she never did. It had finally come down to the fact that if anyone was going to do anything, it would have to be him. Despite his intentions, he _had_ hurt her, but anything less would have been crueler and would have just delayed the pain, making it worse.

It was getting dark out, and realization that the team had an early morning exercise made the commanding officer of the Voltron Force sigh and run his hand uneasily through his black hair. He would need to try to get some sleep soon. He turned around and exited the balcony before shambling off towards his personal quarters for what would undoubtedly be another night of uneasy slumber.

**END**


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